I have been tossing around some thoughts as of late...trying to put my finger on what is missing...what is lost....what is wrong... why is the universe tilted a bit more than it should for my comfort.
It dawned on me today that there is a distinct and measurable decrease in the "soul factor"...
I suppose "soul" for many people can be defined in a variety of ways, but for me soul is the heart of the person, their philosophy, and their ethics, their ability to rise above and still when struggling do the right thing. It's the guy coming home from an all night shift who sees a car about to careen into another human standing waiting for a bus, and dives in to save them, risking his own life in the process.
It's the mother who opts for life when she learns her baby has Down's syndrome. It's the coworker who donates a kidney. It's those selfless, kind hearted acts that we all marvel at and wish we could emulate. It's soul.
It is the life of what and who we are as humans, and it is the loss of soul of compassion and kindness and a darkness that takes over us that dims this capacity and creates the chaos, and unkind acts that for some reason I seem to be seeing a lot of lately.
I love my customers from my little on line store, and their kind feedback feeds my soul and makes me go back to the table to try to be more creative and more productive.
For us all we have those sources of light and strength for our lives. Tap into those sources regularly, whatever they may be..family... work.. religion...volunteering.
Receiving or giving acts of genuine kindness are truly food for the soul....
cate
Friday, June 28, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Flowers flowers flowers
I am trying to take the time to conjure up new ideas for flowers - we have shows in the fall and there never seem to be enough flowers available.
If I make blue flowers, everyone wants gray, if I make gray, teal is the big request.
So I make what I like and hope that others do too. I have also been concentrating on "baby things." Babies are a popular decorating theme and I have been obsessed with pink and brown. Owls are a huge theme at the moment as well. Not quite sure how some critters move to the top of the animal heap in popularity, but they have been enjoying an upswing for the past year. I chuckle to myself when I think about the predatory nature of owls and really not the cutesy little creatures to feature at a baby shower perhaps, but we all love owls and we forgive them for the naturally driven predatory instincts... We cut them poetic license I suppose to sit at the baby shower like a fuzzy little friend, (talons and beaks are NEVER part of the allure) and I get some sort of personal chuckle when featuring owls.
They are one of my favorite creatures and I respect them for all they do and they are magnificent to behold should you be so lucky to see one in nature. I saw one many years ago when I was a kid and I will never forget the site of him/her sitting proudly on our porch railing in the failing light of sunset.
enjoy your day... cate
If I make blue flowers, everyone wants gray, if I make gray, teal is the big request.
So I make what I like and hope that others do too. I have also been concentrating on "baby things." Babies are a popular decorating theme and I have been obsessed with pink and brown. Owls are a huge theme at the moment as well. Not quite sure how some critters move to the top of the animal heap in popularity, but they have been enjoying an upswing for the past year. I chuckle to myself when I think about the predatory nature of owls and really not the cutesy little creatures to feature at a baby shower perhaps, but we all love owls and we forgive them for the naturally driven predatory instincts... We cut them poetic license I suppose to sit at the baby shower like a fuzzy little friend, (talons and beaks are NEVER part of the allure) and I get some sort of personal chuckle when featuring owls.
They are one of my favorite creatures and I respect them for all they do and they are magnificent to behold should you be so lucky to see one in nature. I saw one many years ago when I was a kid and I will never forget the site of him/her sitting proudly on our porch railing in the failing light of sunset.
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| Baby girl garland with baby owl. |
enjoy your day... cate
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Finding Center ... in a off balance world
Recently I took a walk past a small garden adjacent to a walkway in the yard. About a year ago I took the time to stencil words on broken shards of pottery.
I find that many of the things that Andrew does turns into fodder for creativity. He broke some mugs and they became part of the garden "pottery graveyard." That in turn creates another outlet to create something new from something shattered.
That seems to be the story of my life... creating new dreams from shattered hopes.
In the depths of despair, Papercatz was born. When mugs break I create garden memorabilia, when clothes get shredded I use the shreds for recyclable packing. Refusing, I guess on some subliminal level to let autism win.
As I looked at this mini garden I noticed two things; 1. Ripley, our very loved but maniac labrador had begun to undermine the edges with relentless digging. (I always wonder what is he looking for?) Ripley is very much like the lab from the Jennifer Aniston movie Marley and Me. Loveable but slightly insane and utterly clueless to the chaos he brings to every event.
Only he knows why he digs. But his newest conquest was the edge of my garden. Last week it was a branch from the butterfly bush, the week before that the hydrangea was almost uprooted. Is he looking for something? Why do dogs dig? Why does Ripley dig? Because he can... and does incessantly. We have many gopher ankle twister holes in the yard always being filled in, only to be dug out again. Maybe he could join a dog road crew and get busy cleaning up pot holes. I'll have him ready at 7 a.m. and I'll even pack his lunch if someone would just keep him busy and out of trouble all day!
I digress...
When I looked at my mini garden, after assessing Ripley's renovations, I saw words I had stenciled onto these shards... Hope, Faith, Dream, Laugh and on this particular day I wondered if the exercise of painting these words was an exercise in hope for me that I could remember to practice and participate in these lovely words. Dream? Dream of what? I am sometimes not sure what to dream about or for ... so busy am I just surviving it would seem. Hope? Hope for what exactly? and Faith? Faith in what? A cure for autism, a hope for a successful business, health, happiness... what exactly do these words mean?
On this particular day, sadly the words fell flat and I could only stare at them missing their meaning and caught in a vacuum.
Andrew had been particularly diffcult that week and I realized that my "center" - my compass - was his center. If he was off. I was off. If he was okay I was okay and I never realized my gravity and my balance lie squarely with him... who knew an autistic kid held my happiness in his moods.. If he is happy so am I. If he is not neither am I. We are dysfunctionally symbiotic...
So this week I try to re embrace those words, plan for the business, create new things and get involved in tackling things long overdue.
I am searching for center... and I am a bit closer to finding it...
cate
I find that many of the things that Andrew does turns into fodder for creativity. He broke some mugs and they became part of the garden "pottery graveyard." That in turn creates another outlet to create something new from something shattered.
That seems to be the story of my life... creating new dreams from shattered hopes.
In the depths of despair, Papercatz was born. When mugs break I create garden memorabilia, when clothes get shredded I use the shreds for recyclable packing. Refusing, I guess on some subliminal level to let autism win.
As I looked at this mini garden I noticed two things; 1. Ripley, our very loved but maniac labrador had begun to undermine the edges with relentless digging. (I always wonder what is he looking for?) Ripley is very much like the lab from the Jennifer Aniston movie Marley and Me. Loveable but slightly insane and utterly clueless to the chaos he brings to every event.
Only he knows why he digs. But his newest conquest was the edge of my garden. Last week it was a branch from the butterfly bush, the week before that the hydrangea was almost uprooted. Is he looking for something? Why do dogs dig? Why does Ripley dig? Because he can... and does incessantly. We have many gopher ankle twister holes in the yard always being filled in, only to be dug out again. Maybe he could join a dog road crew and get busy cleaning up pot holes. I'll have him ready at 7 a.m. and I'll even pack his lunch if someone would just keep him busy and out of trouble all day!
I digress...
When I looked at my mini garden, after assessing Ripley's renovations, I saw words I had stenciled onto these shards... Hope, Faith, Dream, Laugh and on this particular day I wondered if the exercise of painting these words was an exercise in hope for me that I could remember to practice and participate in these lovely words. Dream? Dream of what? I am sometimes not sure what to dream about or for ... so busy am I just surviving it would seem. Hope? Hope for what exactly? and Faith? Faith in what? A cure for autism, a hope for a successful business, health, happiness... what exactly do these words mean?
On this particular day, sadly the words fell flat and I could only stare at them missing their meaning and caught in a vacuum.
Andrew had been particularly diffcult that week and I realized that my "center" - my compass - was his center. If he was off. I was off. If he was okay I was okay and I never realized my gravity and my balance lie squarely with him... who knew an autistic kid held my happiness in his moods.. If he is happy so am I. If he is not neither am I. We are dysfunctionally symbiotic...
So this week I try to re embrace those words, plan for the business, create new things and get involved in tackling things long overdue.
I am searching for center... and I am a bit closer to finding it...
cate
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Blooms in the Barn
The flowers called to me today - they glowed with light and beauty in the sunlight today and looked beautiful as the twilight came - the magenta peonies were alive with light and dimension. White peonies like summer snow. So beautiful and delicate. I dread the heat that will follow and take away their cool weather beauty.
I found myself taking picture after picture in the twilight hours. They called me and beckoned new photos with the dwindling light, the glowed brighter until the evening enveloped them.
I found myself taking picture after picture in the twilight hours. They called me and beckoned new photos with the dwindling light, the glowed brighter until the evening enveloped them.
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| Beautiful spring bouquet glowing in the twilight. |
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| Evening glow in the barn |
Memorial Day has gone to the chickens
Memorial Day weekend has brought about an odd ball mix of weather, but we dawned today with beautiful blue skies, breezy, low humidity day with bright intense sunshine. I love it... give me cool temps and bright sun any day.
Today, the chickens were treated to their FIRST ear of corn. They never forgot their love of corn from last year and immediately went to town on their juicy ear.
I love my chickens - they require little - and yet give a lot. The girls have been reluctant to part with any eggs lately and the white "chicken" is really a rooster disguised as a chicken. Surprise for us..
So here they are enjoying the low humidity and cool breezes, pecking away at their first ear.
Today, the chickens were treated to their FIRST ear of corn. They never forgot their love of corn from last year and immediately went to town on their juicy ear.
I love my chickens - they require little - and yet give a lot. The girls have been reluctant to part with any eggs lately and the white "chicken" is really a rooster disguised as a chicken. Surprise for us..
So here they are enjoying the low humidity and cool breezes, pecking away at their first ear.
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| Penny, Paul and Paris - first corn of the summer |
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Spring and the garden
Well... the garden is pitiful this year with weeks winning the battle. Weeds 1 Cate 0.
I have made a vow to spend at least 1 hour per day beating back the weeks. I have the most beautiful garden and it is as if nature has conspired with rain and mild temperatures to grow the weeds faster than the flowers.
Beautiful roses are blooming... swooning in the twilight, just electric. Evening is the magical time to take pictures of flowers, they glow. The purples glow deeply and the pinks are neon. BUT only for a shortwhile till twilight overtakes their beauty and puts them to bed.
How simple their lives are, but how fraught with danger from insects intent on eating them and mother nature in the last years wanting to cook them in its heat.
I love early spring/late summer, but I loathe high summer when you bake, sweat and yearn for a breeze.
So for now let me enjoy my beautiful peaceful garden until the tides turn, the sun beats hard and the insects find them.
I have made a vow to spend at least 1 hour per day beating back the weeks. I have the most beautiful garden and it is as if nature has conspired with rain and mild temperatures to grow the weeds faster than the flowers.
Beautiful roses are blooming... swooning in the twilight, just electric. Evening is the magical time to take pictures of flowers, they glow. The purples glow deeply and the pinks are neon. BUT only for a shortwhile till twilight overtakes their beauty and puts them to bed.
How simple their lives are, but how fraught with danger from insects intent on eating them and mother nature in the last years wanting to cook them in its heat.
I love early spring/late summer, but I loathe high summer when you bake, sweat and yearn for a breeze.
So for now let me enjoy my beautiful peaceful garden until the tides turn, the sun beats hard and the insects find them.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Unbreakable
I would like to think of myself as unbreakable - unbreakable, determined and committed to those values that inspire me and propel me forward.... advocating for my son with autism has been life changing and life altering and unending.
To be able to give a voice to his needs is an honor. The reality is that although I cherish my son and all that he stands for there are times when unbreakable is not how I feel. I feel highly breakable and fragile since the boulder that I push uphill for him is on a trail that is uncharted, unknown and unexplored.
He is 18. He is nonverbal. He is vulnerable on one hand and fiercely independent on the other.
It can take him 30 minutes to walk from the house to the barn studio where he works because it is "one of those OCD days that require 1 step forward, 15 back, 2 forward and 2 back." I cannot know what this must feel like for him and to see him conquer this limitation, fight for himself to get through it, is inspiring to me.
When I created this business for him, no one believed we would sell one single thing (except me of course with an optimistic spirit), and here we are 500 sales later. It has taken me time to get here, blood, sweat tears, blisters, and hard work, but we now have our own little studio carved out of our 1800's barn and it is both my refuge and my isolation.
Running a successful business takes dedication and an eye and ear toward customer satisfaction. I have learned despite my best efforts not everyone will love everything, but I hope that they know all of the products are made with a true love of the process from creation to completion and that for Andrew it is a lifesaving skill and occupation. It is the difference between a vacuum of a life and a purpose filled life.
We have one side of the barn completed which is already chock full of stuff and hope to renovate the "working side " of the barn in the next 6 months...
cate
To be able to give a voice to his needs is an honor. The reality is that although I cherish my son and all that he stands for there are times when unbreakable is not how I feel. I feel highly breakable and fragile since the boulder that I push uphill for him is on a trail that is uncharted, unknown and unexplored.
He is 18. He is nonverbal. He is vulnerable on one hand and fiercely independent on the other.
It can take him 30 minutes to walk from the house to the barn studio where he works because it is "one of those OCD days that require 1 step forward, 15 back, 2 forward and 2 back." I cannot know what this must feel like for him and to see him conquer this limitation, fight for himself to get through it, is inspiring to me.
When I created this business for him, no one believed we would sell one single thing (except me of course with an optimistic spirit), and here we are 500 sales later. It has taken me time to get here, blood, sweat tears, blisters, and hard work, but we now have our own little studio carved out of our 1800's barn and it is both my refuge and my isolation.
Running a successful business takes dedication and an eye and ear toward customer satisfaction. I have learned despite my best efforts not everyone will love everything, but I hope that they know all of the products are made with a true love of the process from creation to completion and that for Andrew it is a lifesaving skill and occupation. It is the difference between a vacuum of a life and a purpose filled life.
We have one side of the barn completed which is already chock full of stuff and hope to renovate the "working side " of the barn in the next 6 months...
cate
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| labeling is a favorite task |
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| He uses baskets to set up his work. |
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